Nope this rant has nothing to do with the obviously foreign language that all crochet patterns are written in, that part I got off my chest a lot faster. Now for my Yarn Meltdown that really has no point except that learning stuff is hard...so yeah...there you go.
LEARNING IS PAINFUL, MAYBE I'M A MASOCHIST...
As a beginning crocheter, I am getting really excited about the holiday season. I have been compiling lists of loved one's special requests, trying out different patterns (because I always think I am a more advanced crocheter than I really am yet), and trying to decide what yarn to buy. I always get really excited when I walk into a craft store and see that beautiful perfectly organized and yet charmingly hodgepodgey section of yarn or on a perfect day, a store basically devoted to the product. It's so colorful and fun and magical and exciting and and and....well..... OK so it's a little overwhelming.
Once I get over the massive manically happy mood swing that comes with staring down that rainbow wonderland, it again dawns on me that I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. Suddenly those beautiful stacks look like they are about to crumble on top of my head and the rows and rows of choices start to close in on me set to smother...
There's just too many choices, and that's exhilarating for a half a second, but then you have to actually decide on what to buy. As a novice, the possibility of abject failure is pretty high. What weight of yarn do you use? Bulky, Medium, Thin? Is a yarn with a weight labeled 5 medium or bulky? Is that what that number really means anyway? Why is there no weight number at 'Weaver Works'? What is this stitch per inch crap? Why is the crochet needle on the package not measured in millimeters when the crochet needles I bought are? What size did I need for that project? Does it matter what size the project said? Why didn't I bring any of this info in with me today? If I buy that sparkly holiday themed yarn and makes something for myself will my middle school kids make fun of me? If I make someone else a gift from it will they say they like it but secretly hate it, laugh about it behind my back and only take it out and wear it when I visit? Is that REALLY baby Alpaca? (It must be for the price....). Why does the employee working on the day I come in always turn out to be a knitter who claims she isn't that helpful picking out yarn for crochet or an expert crocheter that explains everything to me in rapid Greek, smiling unhelpfully and then walking away? Why am I too chicken to ask her to repeat herself um...repetitively and slowly like she is explaining to a child who just learned how to say their name?
Don't get me wrong, I have done my homework, I diligently read my "Crochet Patterns For Dummies" book, Googled all of my questions and have watched about a million YouTube videos on the subject and it always makes sense right then. I'm just never ever prepared. I will be out for a completely different reason and suddenly run into the best yarn shop I have been in yet and everything I thought I'd learned leaks out of my ears as I set my greedy hands on the first soft looking yarn ball. I of course never have all my meticulous anal retentive notes about exactly what I want on hand, so I end up roaming the isles, touching everything,, painstakingly choosing the kinds and colors I THINK I remember and panicking and putting every last one back. (This usually happens 4 or 5 times before I finally give up the ghost, shrug sheepishly at the employee that by this time is watching me suspiciously and leave the store a complete crochet disgrace.) Clearly this isn't the most intelligent way to go about all this and I am hoping that all of this agonizing practice is making perfect... :)
